Random thoughts on Kurt, Mercedes, Rachel and friendship

[wowbright]

I was thinking about this stuff this morning. This isn't a thesis or anything, mostly just observations and wondering. Spoilers through the end of Season 3, mild speculation for Season 4. (I know nothing about Season 4, and don't tell me.)



Also, it's not particularly Rachel-friendly, although I don't think it bashes her, either. I'm just not sure right now how beneficial the Kurt-Rachel friendship is to Kurt right now.

1. Kurt and Mercedes were friends when they came into Glee Club.
2. Their big commonalities in Season 1 were love of singing, love of fashion, feeling like outcasts, visible minority status, and unrequited affections for people who cared for them but couldn't love them romantically.
3. They drifted apart in Season 2, starting (I think) in Grilled Cheesus, when Mercedes unintentionally did all the wrong things in trying to help Kurt to deal with his father's coma. That is, she tried to give her solution to problems to Kurt, which was faith in God, and failed to see that by doing so, she was adding more stress to his life and actually making it harder for Kurt to deal with his pain.
4. Kurt ostensibly decided to see her intentions and not her actions, and ostensibly forgave her, but things were not the same.
5. Kurt felt even lonelier than he had before, because he no longer felt he could trust Mercedes to accept him as he is.
6. This contributes to Kurt's depression and lack of support system (as does his dad's illness, Karofsky, Will and the boys being douchebags).
7. Kurt meets Blaine and sees a place where gay kids are accepted on the level that straight kids are. Blaine accepts Kurt for who he is.
8. Kurt's resentments against Mercedes bubble to the surface and he's a bit of a douchebag to her.
9. Still, Kurt feels grateful for their friendship and feels like he needs to find her a replacement before he dumps her. He tries to set her up with random (cute) black jock. Mercedes wonders why Kurt picked someone black. I have thoughts about what's going on in Kurt's head here, but not sure I can put them into words yet. They have something to do with his feelings of solidarity with Blaine, and like he's found someone who understands, and all of that going way beyond the romantic part. So he assumes that Mercedes needs someone black to get that same stuff from. Also, it might unconsciously be a little of, "You've tried to fit me into a box; I'm going to put you into one, too." 
10. Their friendship pretty much goes on hiatus.
11. Mercedes is replaced by Rachel, who Kurt has reason to believe he has more in common with. Ambition, love of showtunes and Barbra, New York, gay culture, crushes on Blaine, yadda yadda yadda.
12. I have to admit, I'm having difficulty right now understanding the emotional underpinnings (that is, the affection part) of Kurt and Rachel's friendship, so I won't be able to go into that in detail.
13. Rachel keeps insisting to Kurt that he is her best friend. It comes up a lot in the show, but I don't remember Kurt saying the same about Rachel as often. Does he?
14. Why does Rachel want to see herself as best friends with Kurt? Is it guilt over her trying to date Blaine? Is it an unconscious desire to control Kurt? Is it because she doesn't have a lot in common with Finn and wants a male peer who she does share a lot of tastes and interests with? Is it because Kurt reminds her of her dads, and she wants someone like them to share her future with, because she's not ready to let them go?
15. Rachel betrays Kurt repeatedly: pursuing Blaine, laughing at Kurt's Romeo, running against him for class president. At first, Kurt seems to accept this as normal Rachel behavior and not something that needs forgiveness. When the class president thing happens, she's gone too far. She has to actively repent, and he forgives her.
16. Kurt and Rachel share a dream and pursue it together. At times, they see each other's successes as their own successes, because they are a team and want to get to New York together.
17. Kurt no longer complains about Rachel automatically getting all the solos. (Hmmm ... is he under her thrall?)
18. Rachel self-sabotages her NYADA audition and almost (subconsciously?) sabotages Kurt's.
19. Meanwhile, Kurt and Mercedes are hanging out more often. Their emotional similarities, and the way they do friendship similarly, become apparent in the way they deal with Unique. They are supportive of Unique because Unique is awesome. There is no question of sabotaging Unique or begrudging her talent.
20. In contrast, Rachel (and Finn) are the only two in the audience at Nationals who do not join the standing ovation for Unique. (If you want to read more about Finn's (and Rachel's) douchebaggery here, paragraph 10 of calanthe_b's "Nationals" commentary is excellent.)
21. Rachel doesn't clap for Unique winning MVP. Mercedes claps and smiles sweetly before turning to say something to Santana, and by then Mercedes is beaming. We don't see Kurt's reaction, but I have no doubt he is as ecstatic as he was when he first saw her on stage.
22. One of the great things about Kurt is that he can feel genuine happiness for others, even when their happiness appears to come at his expense. (I say "appears," because, even in competition situations, I don't think Kurt sees happiness itself as a competition, or in limited supply, so someone else's happiness can't really come at his expense.)
23. Mercedes, despite the whole Maria thing at the beginning of Season 3, is more like Kurt than Rachel is when it comes to #22. (Also, I don't think the whole Maria thing and the starting of The Troubletones was ever about competition for Mercedes. It was about having her voice heard, and about being put on a level playing field with Rachel. Because Mercedes was right - her Maria audition was way better than Rachel's. On a level playing field, in which Mr. Schue hadn't prejudiced the directors against Mercedes and in favor of Rachel, Mercedes would have gotten the role.)
24. If Kurt ends up in New York, it seems inevitable that he and Rachel will drift apart unless Rachel undergoes a fundamental change. (Which is completely possible in college.) Up until now, Kurt has been giving all (most?) the support and doing all (most?) the emotional work in the friendship. You'd think he'd get tired of that eventually.
25. He and Mercedes won't become best friends, but they'll stay in touch, and every time they see each other, it will be one of those easy things where it seems like no time has passed, because they are just on the same page emotionally about so many things.

Comments

[mimiheart.livejournal.com]

I think, in general, girls tend to slap the 'best' in front of friend before boys do. Not that boys never do.

Kurt and Rachel started to connect more I think in Duets -- before Blaine was in the picture. I think Rachel wants to see herself as best friends with Kurt because he's the first person to BE her friend. Not a boyfriend. Not someone who wanted something from her. Just someone who would hang out with her and chat about stupid things with her. Yeah, he may have burned her in the past, but they could DO things together. Mercedes may been there, too, but she and Rachel had Kurt in common more than anything to do with each other.

Kurt wouldn't necessarily plant 'best' friend label on either girl because he just wouldn't. 1st, he's a boy, and like I said, they tend not to. But second, we know he tends to protect himself. He hid from sex. He hides behind clothes and layers. This is a kid who has been bullied his whole life, his mother died when he was little, and while he has the BEST DAD EVER, we know that they weren't exactly the closest until the Single Ladies, any friend he has he's going to keep at arms' length.

He shares superficial things with his friends. Tina and Brittany dance with him. Rachel he talks politics, Barbra and showtunes with. Mercedes he might talk fashion with, but I don't know if they even share the same TYPE of fashion... he might talk other types of music with her. But sincere heart-to-hearts about what he's feeling? Those he hasn't shared with anyone until Blaine. Look at the scene where he was accused of ballot stuffing. He didn't lean on Rachel or even his dad, he had to find Blaine.

[wowbright.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I wouldn't expect him to have a heart-to-heart with Rachel or Mercedes. But I'm getting the sense that, if they all continue along the same trajectories personality-wise, he will have more respect for adult Mercedes than he will for adult Rachel.

I'm hoping, however, the Rachel doesn't continue on the same trajectory. I found her behavior in Props and Nationals really despicable, and, yes, I'm bitter that she was rewarded for/despite it in Goodbye. (Although, to be fair, Carmen didn't see her bad sportsmanship at Nationals, just her performance.)

I agree that Kurt and Rachel began to connect earlier than when he met Blaine. I don't think it's a coincidence that it really took off right after Grilled Cheesus, which I consider the beginning of the end of his "besties" friendship with Mercedes.

[mimiheart.livejournal.com]

For sure.

The only thing that's going to make Rachel change her trajectory is if something knocks her off her entitlement pedestal. As long as she gets everything she ever wanted because she wants it, she'll never change. She has flashes of, "Oh, that's not how it's supposed to work..." And then it happens again and again and again. Girl has had everything handed to her on a silver platter her whole life. Even the bullying she suffered she turned in her fantasy world in her head into a magical amazing thing that was her ticket to greatness. In some ways, that could be a positive thing, but for her it fed into her entitled URGH. She needs *not* get a part in something. She needs to fail. She needs to see that she is not the greatest thing since sliced bread, and maybe she will earn Kurt's respect long-term.

Mercedes and Kurt will be long-term friends because she knows how to grow.

[jakia.livejournal.com]

I think Kurt is somewhat infatuated with the idea of what his relationship with Rachel should be. She gets him, what with the whole "having two gay dads" and "being socially ostracized for most of middle school and early high school" type thing. And when Rachel is good, she is *so* good, and he really would call her his best friend.

However, when she's Not Good (see also: trying to date Blaine, running for class president) she's completely and utterly terrible, and I think Kurt feels more disappointed in her than anything else. She's pretty good at making it up to him, though (singing a duet on the Wicked Stage, stuffing ballots and getting suspended because she wanted Kurt to win so badly) so he forgives her pretty easily.

IDK. I think Kurt's sort of in love with the idea of the woman Rachel needs to grow up and be, not necessarily the Rachel he sees and interacts with every day.

I also think Kurt and Mercedes's friendship was always something based on "well, there's no one else, at least you'll tolerate me" rather than any deep affection. And the second they got new friends (Quinn, Santana, Rachel, Blaine) they sort of dropped each other like hats, only occasionally stopping to remember that, hey! We were best friends, once!

/my two cents

[wowbright.livejournal.com]

Yes! I think Kurt is very much someone who tries to focus on his peers' potential, rather than who they are now. He gets that they are teenagers and could still grow up to be better than they are right now.

He does this somewhat with adults, too, but I think he gives up on them sooner.

I wouldn't say that his relationship with Mercedes lacks affection, but I think both Mercedes and Kurt tend to be pretty emotionally independent, so it's easy to grow apart. Rachel is super-needy, so she makes sure that her friendship with Kurt continues.

[whiterose0328.livejournal.com]

The friendship between Rachel and Kurt is interesting. I think it came about because of Finn initially. Since Rachel and Finn were dating, I'm guessing she was seeing Kurt a lot and she must have noticed that she had a lot in common/interests with Kurt. She really doesn't do that much with it. I mean, they do sing together in 'Duets' but you don't actually see how close they are until after Kurt transfers to Dalton, with her hugging him and telling him how she misses him at Sectionals (is that the first one) - after she had learned about Finn and Santana. She didn't have no one to talk to and Kurt was around so she latched on.

Plus if you think about it, Kurt is the only one who could put up with Rachel. Every other member never wanted to really hang out with her or could stomach her.

The fact that she calls Kurt her best friend and Kurt doesn't (I don't think he has) is important too. I don't think Rachel has ever had any friends before glee club. She was pretty driven since she was small so she seemed like she never had any time to make friends with all her extra-curricular activities (plus her personality might scare children away). Now, with glee club, she had people who had somewhat similar interests, but Kurt had the Broadway interests which I'm sure was unique to Lima. So Rachel found that as a sign basically meaning that they had to be friends, best friends (because Broadway is that important). She probably never met anyone else who knew that much about Broadway as she did.

[likeasouffle.livejournal.com]

Kurt and Mercedes were friends when they came into Glee Club.

Were they? I always assumed they had just met via glee club as of the pilot, and then found they had common interests. Or is that what you meant?

They drifted apart in Season 2, starting (I think) in Grilled Cheesus, when Mercedes unintentionally did all the wrong things in trying to help Kurt to deal with his father's coma.

I totally agree with this.

Kurt's resentments against Mercedes bubble to the surface and he's a bit of a douchebag to her.

Remind me what the examples are of Kurt being a douchebag to Mercedes? (I have no doubt that he was, I just can't remember.)

Still, Kurt feels grateful for their friendship and feels like he needs to find her a replacement before he dumps her. He tries to set her up with random (cute) black jock. Mercedes wonders why Kurt picked someone black.

I always related this to the lines of dialog that went something like "It's just nice to have someone to talk to." "What's that supposed to mean?" "I mean someone like me." Kurt has discovered how wonderful it is to have a gay friend to talk to about gay stuff, and maybe Mercedes needs a black friend to talk to about black stuff but won't even realize she needs that until she has it. I'm sure Kurt's intentions were good.

Rachel keeps insisting to Kurt that he is her best friend. It comes up a lot in the show, but I don't remember Kurt saying the same about Rachel as often. Does he?

Did Rachel ever actually say that? I remember her calling him her "best gay." LOL. Oh maybe in the New York episode? Did she say she wants to move to New York with her best friend?

I'm very easily influenced by other people's opinions. Mercedes and Kurt used to be my BFF OTP, until I read some post somewhere about how horrible they are together. I never really warmed up to Rachel as a best friend for Kurt though. Anyway, I liked how your post didn't bash anyone, and was pretty balanced.

I always found it interesting how at the beginning of the series, Kurt was doing Single Ladies with Tina and Brittany, but then throughout the series he spends way more time with Mercedes and Rachel than either TIna or Brittany. I wonder why that is.

I think Kurt never really had a best friend until Blaine. And I think Rachel was a very useful friend when their goals lined up (New York, NYADA, Broadway...) and now Mercedes has moved to the other side of the country. I predict that if Kurt and Rachel both stay on the show in big ways, they'll be friends.

Wait a sec, have Kurt and Mercedes ever done a duet? [research research]
Duets with Mercedes:
4 Minutes

Duets with Rachel:
Defying Gravity
Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy
Don't Cry For Me Argentina
For Good
Ding Dong The Witch is Dead

For comparison, he's also done one duet with Finn and five with Blaine. Eeeenteresting.

[wowbright.livejournal.com]

For comparison, he's also done one duet with Finn and five with Blaine. Eeeenteresting.

So Mercedes is his step-sister and Rachel would be his sweetie if she were a guy or he were straight or bi. (That is my crack conclusion. Or maybe it's serious. I can never tell with me.)

Kurt and Mercedes were friends when they came into Glee Club. Were they?

I thought they were already friendly, but maybe not ... I guess I'll have to go back and watch the pilot again. Life is hard.

Remind me what the examples are of Kurt being a douchebag to Mercedes?

Well, douchebag might be strong (it wasn't like when he gave Blaine the "You're gay!" freak out), but it's implied in The Substitute that he pretty much drops her for social stuff after he starts hanging out with Blaine, until the three of them have that awkward dinner at Breadstix (and I've assumed that his hanging out with her continues to be a lot less frequent for at least the next few months). And instead of being like, "Hey, I've met someone I have a lot in common with and this is really exciting for me so I won't be available all the time like I was before, but your friendship is still important to me and I want to make sure we stay in touch," he was like, "Stop treating me as your substitute boyfriend." (Which, interesting, because (1) I don't think that's what she'd been doing, and (2) it's exactly what Kurt is doing with Blaine.)

I always related this to the lines of dialog that went something like "It's just nice to have someone to talk to." "What's that supposed to mean?" "I mean someone like me." Kurt has discovered how wonderful it is to have a gay friend to talk to about gay stuff, and maybe Mercedes needs a black friend to talk to about black stuff but won't even realize she needs that until she has it. I'm sure Kurt's intentions were good.

I agree. I think his thinking was along those lines. But it's a little odd, because we know from Grilled Cheesus that Mercedes knows a lot of black people. There's this element where, because Kurt found his "someone like me" in a person he's also romantically interested in, he assumes that will work for Mercedes. He might also be drawing too many parallels between their different minority experiences. I don't think he's trying to be an ass.

Did Rachel ever actually say that? I remember her calling him her "best gay." LOL. Oh maybe in the New York episode? Did she say she wants to move to New York with her best friend?

She definitely says it in the finale. I'm not sure about other times ... Maybe I read "best gay" as "best friend." But I thought she said it in the make-up after the whole presidential debacle. Not sure, though. Maybe it's just my perceptions.

And a good excuse to rewatch S3.

----

I never thought that Mercedes and Kurt were particularly bad for each other - now I want to read that meta you're talking about. I just thought they weren't always good for each other. They talked past each other a lot, and they both made assumptions along the lines of "what works for me will work for you." But I take this as growing up and learning how to do friendship, not as toxicity.

(That said, I do think the things that Mercedes did in Grilled Cheesus were unhelpful and pretty damaging to Kurt's ability to trust her with his deeper emotions, but that's true for pretty much ALL of the Glee kids, plus Carole. They dealt with his grief by trying to change him, rather than by supporting him.)

Totally wish Kurt and Brittany had been besties. I think the whole presidential thing makes that impossible, though -- Kurt wants an apology for that and he's never going to get it; he did get an apology from Rachel.

[likeasouffle.livejournal.com]

I can't remember where I read that meta about Mercedes, sorry. :(

So Mercedes is his step-sister and Rachel would be his sweetie if she were a guy or he were straight or bi. (That is my crack conclusion. Or maybe it's serious. I can never tell with me.)

This was totally my first thought. Actually it kind of works if you consider that Finn was Kurt's unrequited crush and Kurt was Mercedes' unrequited crush. Crush = one song. Sweetie = 5 songs. But I don't know in what universe Rachel and Kurt could be sweeties. They're about as good for each other as... Rachel and Finn. LOL.

Ah, good reminders about Kurt's douchebaggery. Plus he kept standing her up because he kept already having plans with Blaine. Not that I can blame him. Hot flirty boy vs kind of distant, overbearingly Christian friend? No contest.

[lavender-love00.livejournal.com]

This is a really interesting commentary. I think that Kurt probably feels that he has more in common with Rachel. Also, they're in high school - my friend groups in high school changed a lot between freshman and senior year. So that's one possibility.

I think the way you put Rachel's NYADA audition as self-sabotage is also interesting - do you feel like she did it to herself? Like, unconsciously on purpose? I always feel like sabotage is a purposeful act.

I like to think that Rachel will mature in college - that she'll come to an understanding of how the world really works, that she'll see that she's talented, but so are a lot of other people. I think she'll learn to work hard and hopefully accept no's gracefully ... and I think Kurt has hope for that as well. I think Kurt is best friends with the girl he wants Rachel to be (which does come out on occasion.) Rachel's such an intense character - when she's good, she's Really Good, but when she's bad, she's a truly horrible person.

[wowbright.livejournal.com]

My friends changed once a year on average. So, yeah, it's interesting that fandom has made a big deal about the "continuity" or lack thereof with the Kurt-Mercedes friendship and the Kurt-Rachel one. And apparently I'm doing the same, lol; although what I'm really interested in is understanding how Kurt relates to people, who he decides to let close, and what that means.

(I may be trying to figure out how much of a role either of them will play in Kurt's life this summer, or preparing my mind for some big future fic. It's hard to know with me, sometimes.)

I hope many good things for Rachel's character. But I am in a weird place right now. Every time I listen to "The Boy Next Door," I hear it like he's singing it to her sometime in the future, to clarify to her that he is no longer her "best gay."

Not saying that's what's gonna happen. It's just what happens in my head ...

[you-explode.livejournal.com]

*____________________* oh wow, I'm pretty sure you're my new favourite person. I totally agree with pretty much all of this.

god, I don't know. I miss the Kurt/Mercedes friendship; for ages now I've wanted a fic dealing with all of this, starting around Grilled Cheesus (which, again, I totally agree with you about). What I loved especially about the two of them being involved in Unique's storyline after so long apart was that, to me, it really kind of contrasted how much they've grown up and changed and I just really love both of them /o\

I really like Rachel, and I really liked her friendship with Kurt around the beginning of the season - like, definitely Purple Piano Project, but at some point between IAU and her running for president, I started getting annoyed with it and with her. I'm not awake enough to come up with specific examples right now, but I definitely found that whole monologue where she calls him her "best gay" really awful :/ oh, and, god, all of the wedding stuff was also pretty terrible, especially coming from someone with two dads - when she told Kurt he was just jealous, oh my actual fucking god. And. I don't know. I think - and this is possibly just because I am in love with most of the girls on this show to various degrees - that I would be far more interested if his best female friend was Tina or Quinn. Or Santana. Sometimes the fact that it's Rachel just seems like lazy writing to me.

But that's possibly because I've gotten increasingly bitter about her character this season. So. My point is! I totally agree, and although I can't think of a way to word this without it sounding creepy and weird, I'm super glad I've stumbled across you, because your everything is wonderful. I'm going to stop typing now.

[wowbright.livejournal.com]

Thanks for commenting! I have no idea why I would be your favorite person, but I'll take is as a good thing. :) I love making new favorite acquaintances in fandom, too.

Yeah, it's interesting that Kurt was never close friends with Tina. They obviously hung out from time to time (hello, Single Ladies), but I would have thought they might have done so more with their mutual interest in fashion. Of course, maybe Kurt doesn't approve of any of Tina's fashion choices, so I suppose that could be an issue if that's the main thing they have in common.

Kurt and Santana! That would be a dangerous combination. I've seen some short future!fics about Kurt and Santana living in NYC together. I can imagine them either really getting along because they're both witty and have very clear ideas about right and wrong and how people should behave, but I also see plenty of potential for not getting along because of those commonalities.

I've been having a hard time with Rachel for much of the season (including the presidential thing), but I think what really set me off was her saying "yes" to Finn's marriage proposal. It's clear she didn't want to marry him when she said "yes," and before that she had always seemed to be a character who did what she wanted to do, damn the consequences. I didn't always like what she chose to do and thought she often went overboard, but I could respect that she was watching out for herself. But with the marriage thing, she stopped. And maybe that made me lose respect for her, and also have less tolerance for when she continued to step on other people in Glee. She put Finn's (impractical, not well-though-out) wishes before her own, but still doesn't put the *needs* of her other friends before her own. Or, at least, that's how it appears to me.

(And I know this isn't supported by her stepping down from the presidential race, except that maybe it is, because maybe to her it was more important to keep her best gay than it was to have another extracurricular to add the the 16 ones she could already list on her applications.)

Oh, and funny thing is, I don't even remember anything about the "best gay" speech. Which episode was it in?