As many thoughts as feelings this week
May. 1st, 2012 09:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wowbrightI started writing this 15 minutes after the episode was over and was just going to share my flails. Somehow it turned into major meta.
(Trigger warning: I will be discussing relationship violence/abuse in section 2. Nothing graphic, just that it exists and how people deal with it.)
---1----
I don't hate Rachel. I admire her singing (when she sticks to Broadway and not country) and her gumption and her pride. And yet, I was eagerly awaiting the moment when the NYADA rep would not be impressed with her audition.
I hadn't been spoiled on it, unless you count last week's preview, and honestly I thought that the scenes in the preview had been put together misleadingly, to make it look like something major was going to go wrong with Rachel's audition, when in fact nothing major was.
I was wrong.
If I had been writing Glee, Rachel's error would have been in having too much polish and not enough soul - especially given the bad advice Rachel had given Kurt about sticking with his Phantom of the Opera routine. And that was, in fact, a problem with her performance, even before she choked. She wasn't paying attention to the words and giving them emotional weight. She was just smiling through it.
But I don't write Glee, and in addition to that, they had her choke.
I'll have to think about it (or read other folks' meta) before I come to any conclusions about why she choked. But that's how it was, and it surprised me. Yes, I knew the episode was called Choke, but I thought it was in a metaphorical sense. Guess I was wrong. (Or partially wrong - I think it still was metaphorical, in addition to literal.)
The reason I was looking forward to Rachel not impressing the NYADA reps? Well, there was the stuff going on in the episode itself, with her terrible and self-serving (whether intentional or not, I don't know) advice to Kurt. But there are themes that other people have pointed out that made me think it would happen. Rachel's (and Finn's) being coddled by their parents, given whatever they want even if it's not always in their best interest (whether it's lessons in everything for Rachel or being told that your father died in Iraq for Finn - we're not even going to talk about whether Rachel and Finn are minors and therefore need their parents express permission to get legally married). In contrast, Kurt has been loved, but never coddled, by his father. This has prepared him to view the world with more realism, and that led him to realizing - despite Blaine's swooning and Rachel's encouragement - that "Music of the Night" wasn't the right thing for his audition.
Funnily, even though Kurt is more world-wise than Rachel, he often believes her to be the more cosmopolitan one, and so he acquiesces at first when she insists that switching to "Not the Boy Next Door" would be a mistake. Well, he acquiesces a little. He wants to trust her, wants to believe that she has better judgment than he does in these things - but he keeps "Not the Boy Next Door" as his backup plan, and as soon as he suspects that the NYADA rep doesn't want to hear "Music of the Night" at yet another audition (and notice how quickly he suspects, because he understands people, because he's been taught by his father and his life experience that he needs to look beyond himself in order to survive/thrive), he goes to his backup plan.
Rachel, on the other hand, doesn't notice the NYADA rep's bored look and tone when she introduces herself and announces her song. Or if she does, she doesn't change her plan. She continues on the path she's set for herself the whole series: ignore the other people in the room. Sometimes it works out for her, but a lot of times it doesn't, and it really didn't this time around.
(I'm open to the interpretation that she did notice the NYADA rep's boredom, and that's why she choked - if she did notice it, it would be a step toward maturity for Rachel. But she still needs to learn to take the next step, which is to take other people's needs into account when you make decisions that will affect them. Kurt knows how to do that*; Rachel does not.)
Interesting. I had no idea I had so many thoughts about Rachel. Apparently I do.
*He doesn't always do it perfectly, but he knows how.
---2---
Bieste.
This whole thread made me sad.
I've started liveblogging Glee on Twitter, just for my own notetaking purposes. And once her abuse was confirmed, one of the things I wrote down over there was "Can I say now that everyone who said that Bieste's quick marriage made no sense and proved Glee's plot incoherency were wrong?" The only whirlwind romance I ever had ended up as an abusive relationship, and everywhere in the domestic abuse literature, whirlwind romance is listed as an early warning sign of abuse. (Here, for example.)
It was pretty clear from that first scene in the hallway with Shannon, Roz and the girls that something was actually going on with Shannon. When she gave that too-detailed story about how she got her shiner in the teachers' break room, it became clearer.
I wondered if Sue and Roz suspected, but thought that straight-out asking Shannon wouldn't get an answer, and that's why they assigned the girls a singing assignment – to get Sue to open up. Apparently, though, they were as clueless as the girls.
I loved Shannon's response to Roz when Roz asked why she didn't hit Cooter back, since she's big and powerful. "I'm not a violent person." (I may be paraphrasing.) That's what I told myself, too, when I was in an abusive relationship (as the abusee) with someone who was smaller than me. I had taken self-defense classes and done quite well in them, but I had trouble translating them to the situation I was in. I also had this idea that I needed her love more than anything else (because no one else was going to love me and I only wanted her love, anyway). I also had lofty notions about modeling non-violence and selfless love.
I also suspected that Shannon was lying when she told Sue she was staying with her sister, although my suspicion was neither proven nor disproven in the episode. All we know is that Shannon stays with Cooter (whether continuously or after a night away is unclear). The other thing we know is that she hasn't told anyone who knew about the abuse that she's returned to him. She's isolating herself from the only people who can help her. (They're the only people who can help her not because they are special or good at it, but because they're the only people who know.)
I am not opposed to giving people second chances. I'm one of those people, for example, who was not disappointed in or worried about Kurt trying to support Dave after his suicide attempt. There's a few reasons that situation sits okay with me:
---3---
So when I started writing this episode reaction, I thought it was going to be a huge flail over Kurt. Because Kurt, I love you. Your "Music of the Night" was beautifully sung, but your performance of it was ridiculous, and you made the right choice to scrap it. Do you know how many times I shrieked and cheered during "Not the Boy Next Door"? Let's see if I can remember them all:
When you walked off the stage and into the wings, I wished I could have been there to give you a big hug. I have had performances like that (well, not like that; but ones I felt really good about), and it's always better when there's someone in the wings to hug. Maybe Blaine ran down there really fast. Because Kurt, you deserve it.
---4---
Puck.
I'm hoping that the reason Puck failed his European Geography quiz is because he drew that self-portrait of himself as a dinosaur on the front of it. My honey is a teacher, and whenever his students do shit like that, I tell him that should get them an automatic F.
Still, I was sad that he got an F. I want him to graduate, too. But graduating isn't a right; it needs to mean something. And if Puck hasn't put in the effort – well, maybe he needs to come back next year and try. (I know no spoilers, so don't tell me if he actually is or isn't, dears.)
I was delighted by "Rain in Spain" and so glad I was unspoiled for it. It would have not been the same at all if I'd known it was coming. If I'd known, it would have seemed predictable. Since I didn't, it was surprising and awesome.
Also, I was getting all wistful for Puck-Blaine bromance and then Puck had to be a douchebag. Poor Blaine. I know being a douchebag is part of Puck's MO, and that there's a good chance Puck didn't mean what he said and just said it because the opportunity presented itself and he might as well take it. If Puck had said something like that to Kurt, Kurt probably would have been able to roll his eyes and not care. But Blaine takes things personally, Puck. His feelings are going to be hurt, even if he pretends that he's okay with it because you're "just kidding." If you haven't learned that by now, then the bromance I've been hoping for has not come to fruition – and it won't until you learn it, and also apologize for being a douche.
Despite all your faults, I'll take a cue from Kurt's "I love you, Rachel Berry" (which melted my heart) and say, "I love you, Noah Puckerman." I just think you can do a lot better for yourself and for others than you are right now. I think you know that, too.
-------
I'm looking forward to your responses, but please keep me unspoiled for anything going on in future episodes - that includes songs, actors who may or may not appear, etc etc.
Oh, also, I didn't read through this before posting because I wasn't supposed to be spending so long writing this in the first place. So feel free to kindly point out grammatical errors or sentences that don't make sense so I can fix them. Thanks!
(Trigger warning: I will be discussing relationship violence/abuse in section 2. Nothing graphic, just that it exists and how people deal with it.)
---1----
I don't hate Rachel. I admire her singing (when she sticks to Broadway and not country) and her gumption and her pride. And yet, I was eagerly awaiting the moment when the NYADA rep would not be impressed with her audition.
I hadn't been spoiled on it, unless you count last week's preview, and honestly I thought that the scenes in the preview had been put together misleadingly, to make it look like something major was going to go wrong with Rachel's audition, when in fact nothing major was.
I was wrong.
If I had been writing Glee, Rachel's error would have been in having too much polish and not enough soul - especially given the bad advice Rachel had given Kurt about sticking with his Phantom of the Opera routine. And that was, in fact, a problem with her performance, even before she choked. She wasn't paying attention to the words and giving them emotional weight. She was just smiling through it.
But I don't write Glee, and in addition to that, they had her choke.
I'll have to think about it (or read other folks' meta) before I come to any conclusions about why she choked. But that's how it was, and it surprised me. Yes, I knew the episode was called Choke, but I thought it was in a metaphorical sense. Guess I was wrong. (Or partially wrong - I think it still was metaphorical, in addition to literal.)
The reason I was looking forward to Rachel not impressing the NYADA reps? Well, there was the stuff going on in the episode itself, with her terrible and self-serving (whether intentional or not, I don't know) advice to Kurt. But there are themes that other people have pointed out that made me think it would happen. Rachel's (and Finn's) being coddled by their parents, given whatever they want even if it's not always in their best interest (whether it's lessons in everything for Rachel or being told that your father died in Iraq for Finn - we're not even going to talk about whether Rachel and Finn are minors and therefore need their parents express permission to get legally married). In contrast, Kurt has been loved, but never coddled, by his father. This has prepared him to view the world with more realism, and that led him to realizing - despite Blaine's swooning and Rachel's encouragement - that "Music of the Night" wasn't the right thing for his audition.
Funnily, even though Kurt is more world-wise than Rachel, he often believes her to be the more cosmopolitan one, and so he acquiesces at first when she insists that switching to "Not the Boy Next Door" would be a mistake. Well, he acquiesces a little. He wants to trust her, wants to believe that she has better judgment than he does in these things - but he keeps "Not the Boy Next Door" as his backup plan, and as soon as he suspects that the NYADA rep doesn't want to hear "Music of the Night" at yet another audition (and notice how quickly he suspects, because he understands people, because he's been taught by his father and his life experience that he needs to look beyond himself in order to survive/thrive), he goes to his backup plan.
Rachel, on the other hand, doesn't notice the NYADA rep's bored look and tone when she introduces herself and announces her song. Or if she does, she doesn't change her plan. She continues on the path she's set for herself the whole series: ignore the other people in the room. Sometimes it works out for her, but a lot of times it doesn't, and it really didn't this time around.
(I'm open to the interpretation that she did notice the NYADA rep's boredom, and that's why she choked - if she did notice it, it would be a step toward maturity for Rachel. But she still needs to learn to take the next step, which is to take other people's needs into account when you make decisions that will affect them. Kurt knows how to do that*; Rachel does not.)
Interesting. I had no idea I had so many thoughts about Rachel. Apparently I do.
*He doesn't always do it perfectly, but he knows how.
---2---
Bieste.
This whole thread made me sad.
I've started liveblogging Glee on Twitter, just for my own notetaking purposes. And once her abuse was confirmed, one of the things I wrote down over there was "Can I say now that everyone who said that Bieste's quick marriage made no sense and proved Glee's plot incoherency were wrong?" The only whirlwind romance I ever had ended up as an abusive relationship, and everywhere in the domestic abuse literature, whirlwind romance is listed as an early warning sign of abuse. (Here, for example.)
It was pretty clear from that first scene in the hallway with Shannon, Roz and the girls that something was actually going on with Shannon. When she gave that too-detailed story about how she got her shiner in the teachers' break room, it became clearer.
I wondered if Sue and Roz suspected, but thought that straight-out asking Shannon wouldn't get an answer, and that's why they assigned the girls a singing assignment – to get Sue to open up. Apparently, though, they were as clueless as the girls.
I loved Shannon's response to Roz when Roz asked why she didn't hit Cooter back, since she's big and powerful. "I'm not a violent person." (I may be paraphrasing.) That's what I told myself, too, when I was in an abusive relationship (as the abusee) with someone who was smaller than me. I had taken self-defense classes and done quite well in them, but I had trouble translating them to the situation I was in. I also had this idea that I needed her love more than anything else (because no one else was going to love me and I only wanted her love, anyway). I also had lofty notions about modeling non-violence and selfless love.
I also suspected that Shannon was lying when she told Sue she was staying with her sister, although my suspicion was neither proven nor disproven in the episode. All we know is that Shannon stays with Cooter (whether continuously or after a night away is unclear). The other thing we know is that she hasn't told anyone who knew about the abuse that she's returned to him. She's isolating herself from the only people who can help her. (They're the only people who can help her not because they are special or good at it, but because they're the only people who know.)
I am not opposed to giving people second chances. I'm one of those people, for example, who was not disappointed in or worried about Kurt trying to support Dave after his suicide attempt. There's a few reasons that situation sits okay with me:
- Kurt doesn't live with Dave.
- They're not trying to have a romantic relationship.
- Kurt has made it clear that he will not tolerate abuse, and I have no doubt that if Dave tried anything again, Kurt would cut things off.
- Dave is getting psychological help to deal with his issues (this isn't explicitly stated in the episode, but it would be medical malpractice for him to NOT be getting that help), and I'm sure the issues that he will be dealing with in therapy include his history of violence, and learning to find other (healthy) coping mechanisms to deal with his fears.
---3---
So when I started writing this episode reaction, I thought it was going to be a huge flail over Kurt. Because Kurt, I love you. Your "Music of the Night" was beautifully sung, but your performance of it was ridiculous, and you made the right choice to scrap it. Do you know how many times I shrieked and cheered during "Not the Boy Next Door"? Let's see if I can remember them all:
- When you took off the cape.
- When you took off the whole damn suit.
- When you pretended to play piano next to Brad and he smiled at you instead of rolling his eyes.
- When you rolled across the piano.
- When you danced on the piano.
- When you did that same backward bend you did in Season 2 while auditioning for a Nationals solo in those McQueen pants and open-backed vest.
- When you wiggled your hips.
- When your notes kept getting higher and higher.
- When you hit that final note. (What was that note? Was it higher than a high F? Tell me, tell me, someone tell me!)
When you walked off the stage and into the wings, I wished I could have been there to give you a big hug. I have had performances like that (well, not like that; but ones I felt really good about), and it's always better when there's someone in the wings to hug. Maybe Blaine ran down there really fast. Because Kurt, you deserve it.
---4---
Puck.
I'm hoping that the reason Puck failed his European Geography quiz is because he drew that self-portrait of himself as a dinosaur on the front of it. My honey is a teacher, and whenever his students do shit like that, I tell him that should get them an automatic F.
Still, I was sad that he got an F. I want him to graduate, too. But graduating isn't a right; it needs to mean something. And if Puck hasn't put in the effort – well, maybe he needs to come back next year and try. (I know no spoilers, so don't tell me if he actually is or isn't, dears.)
I was delighted by "Rain in Spain" and so glad I was unspoiled for it. It would have not been the same at all if I'd known it was coming. If I'd known, it would have seemed predictable. Since I didn't, it was surprising and awesome.
Also, I was getting all wistful for Puck-Blaine bromance and then Puck had to be a douchebag. Poor Blaine. I know being a douchebag is part of Puck's MO, and that there's a good chance Puck didn't mean what he said and just said it because the opportunity presented itself and he might as well take it. If Puck had said something like that to Kurt, Kurt probably would have been able to roll his eyes and not care. But Blaine takes things personally, Puck. His feelings are going to be hurt, even if he pretends that he's okay with it because you're "just kidding." If you haven't learned that by now, then the bromance I've been hoping for has not come to fruition – and it won't until you learn it, and also apologize for being a douche.
Despite all your faults, I'll take a cue from Kurt's "I love you, Rachel Berry" (which melted my heart) and say, "I love you, Noah Puckerman." I just think you can do a lot better for yourself and for others than you are right now. I think you know that, too.
-------
I'm looking forward to your responses, but please keep me unspoiled for anything going on in future episodes - that includes songs, actors who may or may not appear, etc etc.
Oh, also, I didn't read through this before posting because I wasn't supposed to be spending so long writing this in the first place. So feel free to kindly point out grammatical errors or sentences that don't make sense so I can fix them. Thanks!
