Mike: "My parents aren't comfortable with me dressing up as a tranny."
Kurt: "Bisexual is a term that gay guys in high school use when they want to hold hands with girls and feel like a normal person for a change."
Contenders for #3, depending how they're interpreted:
Brittany: "I lost my virginity at cheerleading camp, he just climbed into my tent. Alien invasion."
Mercedes: "But you’ve got to believe in something. Something more than you can touch, taste or see."